Walling myself off from others to:

Avoid Pain

also walled myself off from love.

This is not a good place to be.

The enemy is sneaky – sometimes that solitude which feels “safe” is actually positioning you to be sniped out.

IDK where I land on all of the above.

But I do know that I don’t like feeling my greatest sources of love is also my greatest source of deep pain.

Why can’t it just be 90% love with 10% pain – the kind of pain that isn’t deeply cutting?

I don’t want to have to spend so much time recovering from loved ones before I can even get out the gate to serve those I feel called to in the “real world”.

Many time loved ones will sweep their poor behavior under the rug and say things like ” I’m preparing you for the real world”…but tell me this:

Why has the real world felt softer than my experience of you in the four walls?

Is it because you believe I will never leave the four walls and stand tall on my own without your cutting me down into a state of forced dependency?

Many families are getting ready to meet for Thanksgiving like their not feasting on top of a rug that has a giant MT. Everest pile of ish underneath the rug.

That’s silly.

& miss me with the “past is the past” line while passing the sweet potatoes.

Love,