Y’all, I was struggling with:

Making A Decision

, but the answer came today.

Being told I made a:

Non Point

gave me the direction I needed. No turning back. I’m listening to the “strangers” who replied to a comment I made under a Youtube video encouraging me to stay the course!

I’ve been reLEASEd!

Oh, this also made me laugh.

This evening, I was having a straight up tantrum in the parking lot which carried into Panera (but more subdued). I walked into Panera and there was a group of women reading their Bible and then in a different section a group of men reading their Bible. I looked at them like…here they go….I was still sooooo done! I thought to have them pray for me, but I was over it. Let’s not engage.

As I went to get my food, a man walked by and asked me how I was doing. He was very bubbly. I was not on that level – despite my sparkly shoes and the gift ribbon in my hair lol.

I told him the truth and said:

Things Could Be Better

He responded, ” They could be worse.”. I doubled down:

They could be better!

I wasn’t in the mood to play the look on the bright side game. I got decisions galore that require ish that I just … (let me keep to myself).

He started listing off the diff areas of life…is it financial? relational? emotional?…

I’m like oh – it’s everything. I didn’t shrink back from being real.

He goes at least you have your health! I responded:

Ish … Health – ish

I’m thankful for him pointing me to the positive repeatedly.

He listened to me share a little bit – ordered his food – met me at the table I was sitting at and gave me some info to help me.

He told me: It’s going to get better.

He also reminded me to breathe and take my problems step by step – to see the miracle unfold.

You ever have someone encourage you and you just have to lean on their belief to get through? That’s where I was. That’s where I am.

I been holding on – breaking down – getting back up – fighting some more – resting – believing – praying – and forging ahead for so long that I’m just like yooooo.

I told him I was tired. I told him I was in the parking lot telling God I was done.

I told him I follow Jesus and know God is with me – but it doesn’t feel like he is.

What made me crack up is that my youngest son was with me and was upset (a different story maybe for you to never know) – I told him it’s okay to cry. So he let more tears flow. Then while talking to this gentlemen I told him I didn’t want to cry – he told me it’s okay and pointed out that I had just told my son it was okay to cry, but then was trying to not cry myself.

HILL-arious, right! Gotta climb out the pit!

Listen! I’m over crying!

What have these tears gotten me? A promotion? Perhaps in the spirit -we go see.

What would really be of help to me is being able to serve out of my gifts and talents fully – in the capacity that God wants and being compensated!

I need to know for sure that God is with me – some kind of proof. Cause I feel like a goof that’s out here – ready to blow the roof off this motha suckaaaaaaa.

Even if it requires I put down this blog and whatever I been doing on the internet to go after creating a life based on me being fully me. – I will do it.

I’m ready.

The gentlemen who encouraged me tonight shared this with me:

Tomorrow, I am going to work to spend time in God’s Word (#Bible) before picking up my phone. I need to stay anchored in truth and love when I wake up and all throughout the day. I recently read that 80% of ppl pick up their phone within the first 15 mins of waking. I want to be in the minority on that – how about you? Let’s move differently than the masses.

I gotta’ stay connected to Jesus 24/7 – cause today – I found myself saying that I wish I did drugs and drank. I know myself. If I allowed myself to drink or smoke a little weed to “take the edge off” – I’d go to the next level. I refuse to drink and I refuse to smoke to cope with challenges.

I did chew through about 18 pieces of Bubble Yum in the span of a couple hours bahahahahahaha – chew, get all the sugar, spit out – repeat!

In the morning, I will spend time in the Bible – Box – Breathe – Believe (repeat) as I tap into the power of action and support from kind humans.

Oooh wee, I am feeling lighter already despite the challenges that confirm that I am indeed alive!

I do have so much to be thankful for!!! I get to bond with my children, test out something new, and finish off August strong!

What made you laugh today?

Laugh-ing It Awf,