I actually had to look up what this question really means. The word motivate felt:

Very Broad

I typed the question into Google Gemini and this is what it shared pertaining to:

I appreciate that breakdown.

In living life and spending time with myself – external motivators such as craving rewards and recognition seem to have been crushed out of me. I don’t care so much about those things. Even when I was in the corporate world I was getting raises and promotions, but that didn’t even drive me. In fact, there were times I truly didn’t know what I was making. Even now, I have a rough idea of what I was making when I left the corporate world. I just knew that I needed to advocate for myself to earn more so that I could bring back more bread to my family and also had an idea of how my peers were progressing – so used that to help me know when to push for myself.

My motivation is mainly from within myself. In my core, I want to serve at the highest level and my highest level of capability in all the areas where I have gifts, talents, and skills. I also want to be my best self – keep growing into the person God created me to be before I shrunk myself to fit molds or didn’t take up space due to trauma/toxicity. I want to expand into the who – that the Great I Am created me to be.

Fully taking up space regardless

of who is in my face.

This spring, I received a certificate and my name was misspelled. Right, after the ceremony I let the person in charge know that they put an “E” at the end of “Mari”. They let me know I can come back up to their office another day for a reprint. I never did. I reflected and realized the misspelling of my name on that piece of flammable paper didn’t matter. I don’t even display awards and trophies. They are tucked away and if they went away I wouldn’t care – unless I needed to tell someone about my accomplishments for the next opportunity.

I care so much more about the person I am becoming!

I care so much more about progressing from:

Good – better – to best;

at least to my ability.

Recently, I gave a solo performance in a theatre. Afterwards, attendees were coming up to me and congratulating me – what they were saying was going in one ear and out the other. I barely received it; as I felt they were just talking and gassin’ me up. I was focused on how to get better and where my pitfalls were – before I even left the theatre. My friend who was with me had to tell me to receive their encouragement and cherish the moment – instead of jumping right back into the lab.

My drive is from deep within. I’m used to being unseen and that has been very crushing. I’ve gotten used to it and am not even pushing anymore to be noticed. Thus why I am off of fb, ig, and tik tok. I don’t want to perform and have this pick me leaky energy that oozes anxious attachment.

Promotion comes from God.

Now, don’t get it twisted, I really want attention. I want people to know that I exist. Much of my work, seems to be just in my realm. Dang, near my eyes only. That does hurt. Because I feel like why share if what I pour out is not seen. But I see the gifting in that. I also see the opportunity to work on my marketing skills, when I get out of my feels. My drive to post here isn’t about claps and applauses – it’s about birthing what is within me, sharing my creativity, and sharpening my writing/content creation skill. This gives me space to share from a place of security. If you see me, you see me. If you don’t, you don’t. I’m still showing up in my fullness.

The other day one of my posts got 21 likes and I received a congrats badge from WordPress. I was like hmm, okay. That was cool, but I didn’t earn any funds from my writing. I do want to earn from my service and not just get attention. To me, this isn’t selfish. It is real. In not earning from my creativity, I am learning that my care comes from God not people. How he chooses to care for me is his business, all of my needs are beyond met.

The external motivators can be taken away at any time. It’s as volatile as the stock market and the waves in the ocean.

The internal motivators that can never be taken away. Even if I never get an award or applause – I am still forging ahead doing my own thing.

The flowers aren’t blooming because they need to picked. The flowers are blooming because that’s how God programmed their seed.

I am also motivated to keep growing and showing up when it’s hard – because of my children. I want them to see me taking leaps – so yes that is external. I want them to know that being playful and pursuing dreams is not reserved for children, but for parents too. I want them to see my grit to go after what my eyes are set on. They have seen me keep going again and again and again – with no signs of a “win”. But I have the wind to continue – thanks to God’s strength.

You know if I were to display an award it would be the one where I was recognized by my former employer as a contender for “Mother Of The Year” – at the company. I’ve received awards for meeting project goals, but to be nominated for that award really meant a lot. I was seen as someone who cares about family and sharing tips on motherhood. Although, this is outer – it showcased a deeper, often unseen work.

I care about what my children think of me. I think of how when my children become adults they will read me like a book and make their own determinations on me. I want them to see that I am flawed, but aware enough of them to do the work to become better. Not just excuse it away and make them deal – so they gotta heal from my refusal to be accountable.

I once had a leader share with me when I was being given more responsibility to move freely – that I should behave in ways that I would be okay with my children knowing about.

That has stuck with me.

I am constantly studying myself and experiences – sometimes I think too much. I replay stuff like an athlete watching their last game – going frame by frame – seeking to figure out where I got hung up and how I can show up better…and why I did what I did.

I want my kids to know that growing up doesn’t have to mean clocking in and shriveling into a cog on the wheel just to get a meal. They can get out here and go after their dreams. It’s possible to:

Break out the box and build something meaningful of your own!

Of course, being God dependent is a must – cause like idk how to build for real.

I am motivated to be their first close up example of one who isn’t afraid to live fully!

I want to stand before God himself when all is said and done and hear him say well done.

The master said, ‘Well done, my good and faithful servant. You have been faithful in handling this small amount, so now I will give you many more responsibilities. Let’s celebrate together! – Matthew 25:23

He is intimately familiar with my background, inner design, hang-ups, challenges, desires, and my ultimate purpose – I want him to be like ” Yea, despite all of that – you blossomed according to your divine design & showed others do the same in their lifetime.”.

So, what motivates you?

Share below.

Blooming,