I’m done you guys. I really just want to:

Ghost

I am doing that…..kinda…

I’m no longer sharing my writings to facebook anymore. My engagement there is very low anyway. I don’t even want to share anywhere anymore – for what?!?

If you were to go to my socials you would see that I am basically chillin with my own self.

Do you know what it feels like to:

Not Matter?!?

If so. I’m so sorry! I know it sucks. Don’t believe the lie – you do matter. Just know that in your heart.

I have done my best to share and share. To provide value using my skills, talents, lessons, and time.

But it seems that I’m not impactful for real. At least, there is minimal evidence.

Yea yea, walk by faith not by sight, I get that. But I’ve been doing that for years. I’m done.

It does hurt, but so be it. I have accepted it. I want to be done.

I will keep writing here cause I’m alive and it seems like a healthy way to pass time.

I don’t even want to write here. Who am I even talking to?

Myself.

and the lurkers, of course. Why do you lurk if I’ve been such a hindrance to your life? Stop.

This is my plan. I will type here and let my desire to make a living and serve by being fully me and free with my children -> go. My attempts continue to fail.

I just want a steady income stream and to stop all this unraveling. I just want to be with my kids, pay for our life, and maybe wave at strangers (we don’t even need to talk).

Was I suppose to stay at my 9 to 5?

Dang.

Pouring out so much of myself when I’ve been fighting so many battles is not something I want to continue to do – especially when I’m just pouring out to me.

I don’t want to build anymore. Seems that the door installation failed.

I am proud of myself for taking leaps continuously. Leaps that I haven’t even shared here, but I always fall flat.

I really just want to be left alone.

Why would God put a desire in my heart only for me to keep seeing it fall apart?

Take the desire away – that is the most loving thing I feel that can be done.

I’m always creating and sharing as if people actually are consuming. They are not.

My own child told me he sees my stuff and immediately scrolls.

I have wanted to put LOL at the end of a lot of the sentences above – but I decided to not try to mask my pain.

It hurts.

I will keep sharing here. Thank you for reading

If you feel like you are living a life of almost – just keep going. You’ve come too far.

A Toast To Almost,