When Your No Is Part of God’s Know

A few years ago, I told God that there were 2 specific things that:

I wasn’t going to do at the same time.

I was like, “Yea I aint doing those 2 things – too much!”…

God must have had that declaration playing over the Luther Vandross ” Never To Much” song!

It’s like he said, ” Yea jokes on you – that’s exactly what you about to do!”!

I was so set on not doing those two things at the sametime – that I tried to save my life by avoiding doing one of those 2 things.

In doing so:

I caused myself severe harm.

***Sooo many blemishes, but my faith was not diminished!***

EFFFFFFFFFFF bahahahahahahaha

I mean I really did a number on my own self bahahahahahaha; I don’t know how to save myself for nothin! bahahahahahahahahahahahaha I be so done for when I try to navigate!

I’m not doing this ish again!!! Highly don’t recommend!

Just kcjsdhfjkasdhfkljasdhfjklasdhfkljasdhfkljahsdfil!

However, plot twist…to me at least.

My attempt to save myself – basically put me on the track to do what I said I wasn’t going to do. (God pulled creative rank, per usual, which is why I tanked!!! Must. Give. Thanks.)

God knew I was going to blunder and it was part of the plan?!?

I can’t dwell on it toooooooooooooo much else I might really get out of touch with reality. Just gotta swim through this mess and hold onto Jesus the best I can. Plus -:

It’s his job not to lose me.

Above my pay grade. Jesus said he doesn’t lose any of his sheep. So…it’s on him to scoop me up if I start drowning. He did that with Peter!

You know that scripture that says “he who tries to save his life will lose it, but he who loses it for my sake will find it” – that came to my mind when I “blundered”.

It’s so true! Learn from me:

Just go ahead and surrender!

Through my “try to save my life” attempt – I’ve grown in deep dependence on God, because there has been no human who can actually help me.

I haven’t enjoyed it, but in a real weird back door way I have – because my intimacy with God has greatly increased.

I prayed to walk close with him back in high school, but didn’t expect it to come through these suffering channels.

***Yes, I photographed my ugly cry – filmed it too. Felt less alone***. At least, I saw my own self.

Those 2 things that I was trying I resisted – I’ve done and am actively doing bahahahahaha, but I complicated it by trying to avoid one of them.

I remember years ago, telling someone… God was gonna have to drag me to do X. The person I was talking to was like ” Or you could just walk”. bahahahahahahaha psh, I’m a runner ninjago! Last leg in the 4×4, anchor!

Know this! -> my “blunder” is being transformed by Jesus into a level of thunder that will help many!

***Going through a rough patch! For Real! lol***

I keep casting my care and sufferings.

You gotta cast your cares and have the resolve that your blunders will not take you under permanently!

This faith journey is like that Inception movie where storylines just keep folding into each other for infinity – like our cries for help are really confirmations of prayers being answered from 20 years ago. Back in high school – I told God I wanted to walk with him like Enoch did. Shortly after, I got knocked the eff out by life. bahahahaha I cried out during those times – still do cause it keeps happening bahahaha….and God is probably like, ” Yo, this is the answer to your prayer request. If you don’t get knocked out we won’t rock so tough – so gotta let life rough you up as I carry you through.”