Yesterday, I walked out to my car to:

Drive

to a scheduled meetup. Got to my car and

I had a flat tire on my drivers side. I immediately texted the two phone numbers I had for the person I was set to meet up with. We were to meet at 7pm and I discovered the flat tire at 6:40pm.

This is what I texted.

I made the choice to not call this person as phone calls with them can be unnecessarily intense on their end. I’m calm and they jump hard. I refuse to play those games.

Long story long – they had a third number – unknown to me. They did not see my alerts and were waiting for me.

Meanwhile, I was dealing with roadside assistance.

Eventually I was able to connect with this person “Ray Of Sunshine” and had to talk to them on the phone. As I calmly explain the situation – they were snappy with me and before an audience. Which to me is wild when just earlier this week I accommodated their need for a shift.

I’m really over dealing kindly with people and then them being nasty to me. Especially when the very bed they are sleeping in right now – isn’t even theirs, but mine. Out of kindness, I left if for them and purchased myself a new one for my new spot.

Like leave me alone and stop crying to me about how you need me… blah blah blah when you’re bleeding out – then turn around and be disgusting and gross as you are on the mend. Eww. Stop the emotional manipulation – cause I’m done falling for the “tears”.

Anyways, roadside came for $100 and put on my spare tire.

The “Ray Of Sunshine” ended up driving to meet me for a handoff so I made sure to text him thank you. I was texted back the following: You gave poor communication, You should’ve told me sooner, and to “do better”. (Guess, they needed to feel powerful?) I let them have it as they “didn’t have energy” to face the truth that I communicated promptly.

I drove to Discount Tire today as they that they do free repairs for flat tires. I thought how awesome!

I got my tire patched and my spare put back in the trunk for free.

As I was driving earlier this evening, my tire light came on. lol

I’m just like welp okay – figured the front tire was deflating.

Checked and yep -> the front tire is back flat.

Thankfully this time I have all day tomorrow to get this resolved ahead of meeting up with the “Ray Of Sunshine” in the evening.

At this point, I’m not even trippin’ about another flat and maybe having to drop another $100 for roadside support. I mean I definitely had the feeling of being hated by God for these continual odds, but I’m feeling so numb inside to the cares of life – that I’m just like whatever.

I’m A Fighter

I’m doing the best I can to show up and handle all that comes my way. I do my best to show up well with people and if they want to be jerk offs – so be it.

This “Ray Of Sunshine” is the same one who had me pinned up against the bathroom wall in my apartment and was yelling in my face that I was a “F*ing B*” (Aug 2012) – when I was 6 months pregnant with our first born. I should’ve kicked him out of my apartment then – since he moved in with me, but I stupidly thought “must be a 2 parent family” so ignored the jumbo red flag.

Just dumb

– I’m thankful for the additional children, but to knowingly build with an abusive man -> again – dumb.

I’m not shocked when he continues to be disrespectful, post – romantic relationship. In fact, he told me he would be even worse now than what he was when we were together.

This is who I chose to lay down with and build with through my 20s and mid-30s -> I gotta keep my big girl panties on and deal with him accordingly.

There are times where I’m like “ugh” and other times where I am like “yasss” – I get to use him to become sharper!

It doesn’t matter how I feel about anything I experience in life – Jesus Has The Wheel.

Flat tire, higher praise!

Note: If you “think” you are in an abusive relationship I encourage you to call The National Domestic Violence hotline. Take your “questionable” experiences outside of yourself and your network to get an outside opinion. In the past, I have personally found this hotline helpful when deciding to exit a toxic relationship. Do not keep moving forward and building with abusive people – it will cost you long term. You are more powerful than you know!

Rollin’ With Life,