Sometimes when people share with me the awful ish they are going through – I have a difficult time saying:

“I’m sorry”.

Not because I don’t have high levels of empathy, but because…

it feels like I would be lying. I’d rather intently listen and hold space than rush in with surface level pity apologies.

After listening to their heart, I may learn that, perhaps, they brought this struggle on themselves. In which case, their experience may be intended by God to help them become/choose better – so me saying “I’m sorry” could be me endorsing their victimhood and lack of accountability. Out of love, I wouldn’t want that for them. The God I serve values growth over comfort – don’t believe me – read through the Bible. He often challenges his children to step up out of their mess even when they are distressed.

Don’t twist what I’m saying to be like ” oh you saying they brought X ailment on themselves”. Stop , please listen to me by the spirit.

But I mean – in many cases – YES, to some extent, they played a part in being in their current predicament. Even if it was 10% – psh, even 1% – own that part.

If I tell you I have to get a root canal (and have!”)- you may tell me “I’m sorry” but really why should you be……?

I know dental issues run in my family, yet been eating sugar (gum, blow pop suckers, nerd rope, hot tamales) non stop and not flossing and not staying on top of my dental health.

Should you be sorry for me reaping the consequences of my lack of self control and inaction?

Absolutely not and if you are sorry for me – you are part of the problem.

We can empathize without enabling.

Now, I know if I told people who are suffering:

“Oh, that is tough. What part did you play in this? How will you shift going forward?”*

I’d probably get attacked lol cause I’ve shifted from the standard pity response. This is not out of a desire to dismiss ones reality of pain and suffering, but to foster growth through personal accountability.

Thus why my circle is what it is. A dot – cause my thoughts. lol

Oh and do you you think that root canal has stopped me from hitting the candy aisle? Nope -> ain’t that wild! I was crying out to God about please spare me from a root canal , went through it and survived it, and still going after ish that contributes to being in that position – AGAIN! This is a legit example of a toxic cycle.

That’s why God says -> yall mad at me – when you bringing the ish on your own self!

“A person’s own folly leads to their ruin, yet their heart rages against the Lord.” – Proverbs 19:3

We ruin our health, our relationships, our finances…our “insert whatever else” and refuse to take accountability, but want a pity party.

Get out the pit!

God is gracious and will assist, but in his love he will make you struggle as you climb out of it …so you are less inclined to return to your own vomit.

Note: There must be wisdom at the timing and depth of our questioning when helping ourselves and others understand the role they play in their suffering – probably not best to do it when someone is in the thick of a trial. As always, seek the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Take Ownership,