On a summer day, one of my sons went to play with the neighborhood girls. Although, he regularly played with most of them…they were on one that day!

I think they had a new girl with them that had them:

Transforming.

Well my son showed up to kick it and they said:

“F* boys! You can’t play with us!”

How do I know? Cause that son came back to the house crying to me about it.

I looked at him and said, “What did you say back?”.

He told me, ” I left… nothing…I came to you.”

I’m glad he removed himself…but still….

Now, I could easily text those parents and let them know to get their girls together…but at that moment I told my son…

“Go confront them!”

He didn’t want to.

I told him to go now.

I intended to stay back at the house, but God nudged me to go with him.

Ugh bahdhakfbahdhahsjwhshshshahzhs

So I went with that son and as we walked up the block I coached him on what to say.

We got to where the girls were.

They know me. They saw me. They attempted to flee.

But I called them to the sidewalk and told them my son has something to say.

So that son told him what I coached him to say, but more “extreme”.

Something like:

“I didn’t like when you talked to me that way. You do it again and we will never play again.”

He was nervous…but got it out. Pushed through.

I was just off to the side for backing…when I heard him say…”never again”…I was like hold up..hmm maybe that too much….cause you go be outside…

One of the girls from the group quickly broke off from them telling me:

“It wasn’t me! It was them!”

(See how ppl switch up!)

I looked at her and said:

“Yes, but you were a bystander!

Not an upstander!”

She didn’t know what that was so I told her it’s someone who speaks up for the person being bullied!!!

She was like “I didn’t know.”

I ended up letting the girls know that their parents would all be getting informed on their poor behavior. & they did via text. Thankfully, the parents did not make excuses for their children and level set on expectations when interacting with others.

As my son and I walked back home – he was glad I was with him – he thanked me. I didn’t fight his fight, but I was with him and had him in sight. Sometimes we need that feeling of being backed to tap into our inner strength.

Our bond deepened through that battle.

Days later…the sweet girl who told me it wasn’t her doing the bullying…wrote a letter to that son and I about how she was going to be an Upstander. It was very kind.

All the girls knew I loved them! They would still come over and hang out after like ain’t ish ever happen , but they knew that if ish popped off – ish would take a sharp turn for …you go learn!

Deliverance looks like stepping into challenges to break off fear.

Are we called to love others? Yes! & part of that includes addressing their poor behavior. (If it is safe ish for you to do so…must have discernment. May need to confront directly or address it through your absence.)

I have three children. I care not just about my daughter identifying abusive behavior, but my son’s too!!!

I have to check Glory all the time when she is trying to ignore her brothers – “No, don’t touch me”.

She doesn’t get a pass because she is a girl.

Boys in many cases are more “sensitive”. My boys are empowered to correct and assert themselves with their sister. (Non-physical…both ways)

Our boys feelings matter too!

We can’t just be talking to them any kind of way and expect them to take it….then wonder why later they got toxic masculinity.

How are you raising upstanders?

Are you silent when it comes to bullying and abuse?

How do you support your children in conflict?

Share below.

Love,