How do you cope when life has you in a:

Chokehold

Ever felt like the grip is so tight that you no longer wanna act “right”!?! You just wanna take flight and fight all the thieves in the night!?! What helps me is…

Singing My Sorrows

I just release what is on my heart. Think of it as prayer over a beat. It’s giving:

Psalms

I recorded this “I Don’t Know How” song this Saturday on 3/15/25. Today (3/16/25) the message at church centered on Psalm 13. The pastor talked about how it’s okay to lament and lament and lament – like King David did in the Psalms – to eventually reach a place of praising in advance before the breakthrough. He reminded us that claiming a scripture and stuffing down our feelings – isn’t the move to make – especially on our walk with God. He is our father and desires our:

Emotional Honesty

It find it funny how my song is structured a lot like Psalm 13. I went from being like dang, “Is God With Me?!?” to being thankful for what I have while still clinging to Jesus. My “I Don’t Know How” song is available on Lonisa Mari YouTube.

I want to bring clarity to a few lines in my “I Don’t Know How” song:

• I don’t need a man to invest for me. I’m capable of learning and executing in that space. In my song, I acknowledge that in my previous chapter I was not diligent about learning investing strategies myself. Now, I find myself with a solid amount of money and working to get my investing knowledge up while already in a tight spot. I do not recommend this to anyone. In hindsight, I should’ve been sitting down with my former lover when he continuously tried to teach me. I was tuning out into my own world – on this whole – he has it mindset. Which he did. But I should’ve been in there – not just handing in my 9 to 5 checks and then checking out. Right now, I’m talking to women. I don’t care how great your man is with finances – you make sure you know how to earn, budget, do taxes, and to invest for your own self. Don’t outsource your financial wellness. I don’t care if you are a Mrs.! You just don’t know the twists and turns of life. This isn’t a fear move, it’s wisdom. Your spouse could have a health challenge or die – then what?!? Yes, God provides but he already provided when he gave you a brain and the power to get wealth! I’ve met women who stay in effed up situations because they don’t know how to support themselves. NO!!! In my case, I’m seeking to return to the workforce while working to create a life outside of the “9 to 5 Matrix”. This is an opportunity that I have due to God’s favor as I worked and the partnered discipline to multiply household income.

• Abuse is not okay, words that repeatedly cut deep included. Sometimes we don’t know we’re experiencing abuse until we take our experiences outside of ourselves. Some never do that because they were taught “what happens in this home, stays in this home”. That is a trick of the enemy. Naw, snitch. Put it in the light. Don’t fall for the “snitches get stiches” fear tactic used by bullies. Or the “You’re too sensitive” line which is often used to silence ones expression. Also, the scripture on keeping “no records of wrongs” can be twisted to the point that one thinks sharing their experiences is being unloving. I used to have a tendency to cover up poor behavior to try to “keep ish together” – not realizing ish was already broken. This goes back to childhood and carried over into adulthood. Let me be clear – I’m not a victim and want everyone to prosper in healing and wholeness. I am thankful for every single experience. We all are doing our best to love to the best of our ability, and our abilities are different depending on where we are in awareness and healing. Some may say they love you, but not know how to love properly. Being loved well in one area – isn’t an excuse for being treated poorly in another. We can’t fall for everyone’s declarations of “love” in all zones.

• Single Mom – I do not align with that label. I’m single. I’m a mom. Those are 2 separate things – I don’t care what they say on the government forms. My children have 2 very active and present parents. I recently met a mom who was trying to bond with me over being a “single mom” – I told her I’m not a single mom. My kids have an active, provider father – bonding over struggle is not a flex. She looked bewildered. I feel people look for ways to be victims and I’m not bonding over that. Let’s bond over growth, healing, and transformation! I don’t ever see women say “I’m a married mom”. I know women who are married and more lonely and unsupported than a mom who is single and co-parenting. Might’ve been your mama who is posting pictures with your daddy about being married 30+ years. Nobody wants to talk about the women who been raising kids “solo” while the provider man- hides out in the basement, gym, office, another woman…and the woman does the majority of the child rearing. That’s not the case for every woman – that’s just an example. Moms be talking in the mom groups and I see many who feel like the “single mom” label when they have a whole husband sitting at the kitchen table.

• Social media, blogs posts, and product launchings; I am thankful for those that have supported my efforts by making purchases and by reading/listening to my content. I don’t take any purchase or view for granted. That being said, I did and do expect overflow in these areas. May God’s timing and will be done.

• God is with me and been coming through daily – I know that for sure! I’m alive – what a gift!!! I’ve experienced his favor even in transition. I hate seeing my savings dwindle, but I chose this path and own it. Money is flowing in – even though I do not YET have it in my possession. God spoke to me about my future finances years ago – that helps me to keep faith. I don’t need a handout or a care emoji, those annoy me lol. I’ve got plenty and I’m in a season of building. I desire to make a living by being myself and serving others at a high level. God will breathe on the work of my hands to the point that what I made in a year – will be what I make in a day. I will not have to walk this back – believe that! God loves to show off!!!

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Let’s be real about our ordeals – God already knows about all that we feel beyond the filtered highlight reel. It can be challenging to be super real with God if we didn’t feel we could safely be that way in childhood or even in adult relationships. God can take all your emotions even the ones that feel like a crashing ocean! He gave you the feelings and had to greenlight your experiences – even the ones that cause you deep pain.

I’m not sure if you’ve picked up on this or not, but when focusing on the present problems they seem magnified. When zooming out and focusing on God’s character and track record – the problems start to fade.

I know exactly how I’m going to get up out of this cluster – God is going to do what only he can do – while I keep proactively doing my part! It’s a partnership and God cares deeply about my maturing. Trials and tribulations are gifts to strengthen us! Lean into them. Whatever challenge is before you – you can overcome through Christ Jesus. Without him it will probably take you out – you don’t know what the flip you are doing for real. The only one who does is God.

I hope this song encourages you to cast your cares then get back to counting it all joy.

If you drop a track of your own let me know so I can give it a listen!

Note: I am thankful for my previous chapters and the loved one who I chose to experience. My greatest gifts came from that union and I am thankful for our continued partnership. The love will never vanish and I want this loved one prospering today and all the days to come. I understand that to some viewers/listeners that classifying some of my experiences as “abuse” may feel “extreme”. I get it. Both day and night exist. I lived in an abundance of relational blessings and toxic patterns/cycles. I’m sure the same has been said about my deeply flawed self. Label me as you need. May we all live freely in forgiveness.

Love,